Saturday, March 17, 2012

Woman cannot get off of the couch.

Under the Bridge, Snow’s Cut, NC --  On the day after Christmas, a local woman revealed that she just can’t get off the couch.  “I have already been to Walmart to exchange a gift for my seven year old and get some chocolate soy milk.  I am just exhausted.” She could barely move her hand off of her forehead as she spoke.  

“I had no idea that the second day of Christmas was the second biggest shopping day of the year.  The return line at Walmart stretched all the way down the ailse and wrapped around the greeter station by the exit.  It was a mad house and to top it all off, the newly out of work bell ringer had not yet turned off the friendliness and talked to me all the way up to the return desk.”

The return bins were filled with yesterday’s surprises.  The woman noted as the return clerk mechanically tossed her son’s toy over her head and it landed in the bin marked ‘toys.’  It bounced around the edge and precariously rolled in with the other rejects.

“Some toys are just place holders until the good stuff is restocked,” she observed.  “Kind of like those seat fillers at the Oscars when somebody famous has to get up to go pee and some well-dressed nobody sits there until the famous person returns.  Some presents are just like that.  This year it was Gilgruff.  Gilgruff was the seat filler for when they restocked Terrafin.”  

She stated that trying to figure out the names of all these monstrous “action figures” was difficult enough but then hunting down the right exact one was nearly impossible. “It’s like they have their own Kingdom, Phylum and Species classification system or something.”

As she reached for another handful of popcorn, she stated “Now, I can get back to my life and start paying down those credit cards, but first, I need a nap.”

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